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Email Forwards
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To all of you:
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open or the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5.00 bill someone dropped in the parking lot! because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
p.s. New Study - A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
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1 Comment
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798 days ago
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You Can't Please Everyone
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It actually took me a while to build up the nerve to start posting messages in my blog. I was always concerned what others might think about my postings, my thoughts, my ideas.
Then a friend told me something that i will always remember, and how true it is too. Can't Please Everyone, my friend said. And the more i thought about it, the more i realised just how true that is. I could spend hours trying to find the right words to say that would please the most people that end up reading this, but why bother, because you can't please everyone.
So, i'm just going to be myself, and just type whatever comes to mind, thats the best way to go about it anyways. there's no sence in trying to think of the right words to say, hoping that you don't come off sounding like a freak. Because no matter how hard i would try, no matter how much time i put into writing this to find the right words to say, i realised that there isn't any right words to say that will please everyone that ever reads this. Because you just can't please everyone.
So i'm going to continue writing messages in my blog, displaying my thoughts and ideas and goals or whatever comes to mind, and if there is someone that reads this that thinks i am a freak or a dork or a nerd or whatever, thats fine. because i know what i am, and i know that if you can't accept my thoughts that i put here on this blog as normal, well, it just won't make any difference to me. Because i know that i can't please everyone.
I'm going to close out this blog with an email that a friend gave to me, this email made me realise that there are many different kinds of people out there, and we all think differently, and it also made me realise that no matter how hard we try to seem normal and accepted to everyone. It's a lost cause, because you can't please everyone.
here is the email that my friend sent me:
Subject: Don't try to please everyone
An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding. The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass good-bye.
Have A Nice Day &
Be Careful With Your Donkey.
Your Comments Are Welcome
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0 Comments
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1233 days ago
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Do You Love Your Friends?
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I have been asked this question several times, and i feel that there just isn't something right about loving a friend, now, i know, i know, friendship first before love. But what if this friend already has a love? Or what if this friend is of the same gender as you? is it still considered normal to love them?
Call me old fashioned but i just feel that friends are for friendship and lovers are for love. Perhaps the people that asked me this question were talking about a type of brotherly or sisterly love, if thats the case then i completely agree that it's perfectly normal to have a friend that is like a brother or sister to me. In fact, i have friends already that i consider as close to me as family, but i don't go around saying that i love them, it's just not right, and it feels weird just thinking about it.
Now, on another note, if these people that asked me this question was talking about "Actually Loving Your Friends", well, whats up with that? Are you going to show your love by kissing them or making out with them or something? Their Friends! Not Lovers!
But, i have read what people typed to me about their friends {quote - I Love My Friends With All My Heart And Soul - end quote} Well, that just seems a little strange to me when i read that. Because if i love someone with all my heart and soul, i would hope that we could become lovers, but thats just me.
I don't know! i guess i am just lost on this whole "love your friends" type ordeal. Your not supposed to love your friends, that's the way i see it. that's what seperates friends from lovers.
Perhaps you can give me a little insight on all of this?
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1 Comment
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1233 days ago
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